Have you struggled to forgive someone who’s done something cruel, thoughtless, or horrible?
Whether it be by a loved one or a less than loved one the negative emotions it leaves us with are painful and negative. We carry this emotional baggage around with us, whilst the person lives their life oblivious to the effect, it doesn’t seem fair then that that you are left carrying the burden does it?
Yet without forgiveness there can be no relief, no let up. This leads to ‘unforgiveness’. Our bodies then become a container for these emotions which affect our quality of life and in some cases even health. Negative emotions such as, anger, resentment, frustration, sadness, or fear, the list goes in, sit within us, keeping us in a stuck state.
Many of us find it difficult to forgive, yet true definition of forgiveness is ‘to cease to feel resentment against the offender’ . This does not mean condone or let them off the hook. It is about giving up the hope of a different or better yesterday.
Let me put it another way, who is forgiveness for? If we break down the word of forgiveness it looks like this:
FOR - it is for you to be free from the negative emotions
GIVE - to give back these emotions
NESS - to achieve calmness, peacefulness and completeness, to achieve freedom of negative and potentially harmful emotions.
There’s a lot of misinformation about forgiveness but the Arabic translation means ‘free,’ which might help to realign your thoughts on the act.
Forgiveness isn’t a thought or feeling. It’s an action.
Forgiveness is a selfish action taken by you, FOR YOU, so you feel better.
The only one hurt by non-forgiveness is you.
Forgiveness is giving up the hope of a different or better yesterday.
Non-forgiveness keeps the past alive.
Forgiveness means you acknowledge what someone did or didn’t do that hurt you and you’re not going to allow it to hurt you anymore.
The saying “I will forgive, but will never forget” traps you.
Never forgive someone directly.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you excuse the behaviour.
Non-forgiveness limits your ability to be happy and live your life to the fullest.
Forgiveness means you’re taking charge of your happiness.
Forgiveness means you can be free.
If you’re stuck and want to find a way to forgive, please get in touch.
Dulcie James is a Life Coach Specialising in Loss and Anxiety helping clients suffering from anxiety, grief and all loss, low esteem, relationship difficulties, and eating disorders. Dulcie’s qualifications include Master NLP Practitioner, Diploma in Eating Disorder Practitioner Skills and Advanced Certified Grief Recovery Method Specialist. You can find out more about Dulcie here.