What Assumptions or Messages About Grief Do We Need to Challenge?

And How Can Grievers Help Others Understand?

As we continue our series during Dying Matters Awareness Week, we’re reminded of how important it is to talk more openly about death, dying and grief. Yet many people still feel unsure or awkward when these topics come up. A big part of the problem is the unspoken messages we’ve absorbed about what grief should look like.

At Grief Specialists, we believe it’s time to challenge those assumptions—and to help others see grief for what it really is: deeply personal, often misunderstood, and not something that fits into tidy boxes.

Common Misconceptions About Grief

Here are just a few of the beliefs that continue to cause harm, even when people mean well:

“You’ll get over it.”

Grief isn’t something we ‘get over’. It changes over time, but it doesn’t go away. For many, the loss stays with them—it just becomes part of life in a different way.

“Time heals.”

Time alone doesn’t heal anything. What matters is what happens during that time: talking, being heard, feeling supported, and sometimes seeking help to deal with the pain.

“Be strong.”

Often said with good intentions, this phrase can stop people from showing what they really feel. True strength can look like crying, asking for help, or admitting that things are hard.

“At least...” statements

Phrases like “At least they’re no longer suffering” or “At least you had time to prepare” can feel dismissive. They can shut down conversation, even if the speaker is trying to be kind.

“There are five stages of grief.”

The idea that everyone moves through the same set of emotional stages is misleading. People grieve in many different ways, and there’s no right order or set timeline.

Why Challenging These Ideas Matters

When we carry these kinds of messages—whether we realise it or not—they can make grief harder. People may feel like they’re grieving ‘wrong’, or feel pressure to keep their emotions to themselves. This can lead to isolation, stress, and unresolved pain.

By questioning these assumptions, we make space for more honest conversations. We also help create communities where people feel able to talk about what they’re going through, without fear of judgement.

What Can Grievers Do to Help Others Understand?

It shouldn’t be down to the person grieving to educate others, however, in a society so uncomfortable talking about our emotions, particularly those related to loss, sharing what you’re going through will only help others understand your personal experience.

If you feel able to talk about it, you might find the following helpful:

Speak honestly.

If someone says something unhelpful, it’s okay to say so. You could respond with: “I know you mean well, but that’s not how it feels for me.”

Say what helps.

Sometimes it helps to let people know what you need. “It’s okay to talk about them” or “I’d rather not give it a positive spin right now” can gently steer the conversation.

Tell your truth.

Sharing even small parts of your experience can open up better understanding. You don’t have to go into detail. Saying something like “Some days are harder than others” gives people a clearer picture.

Point people to better information.

Sometimes it’s easier to share a link, such as our website, a book or a short video. It can do the explaining for you.

Encourage better conversations in your community.

Whether it’s at work, in school, or among friends, speaking up about grief—when you're ready—can slowly change the culture. It’s okay to say: “We don’t talk about this enough, do we?”

At Grief Specialists, we believe the more open and honest we are about grief, the less alone people feel. During Dying Matters Awareness Week, let’s question the old messages, give space for the truth of grief, and remind others that what comes after death matters too—because it shapes how we live.