There's No Wrong Way to Grieve at Christmas

Practical strategies for coping with loss during the festive season

Like most of us, we are sure your inbox is inundated with Christmas cheer, and the chances are, if you are grieving a recent or past loss, the pressure to adhere to Christmas traditions might be weighing heavy.

Please take this message as your personal permission to allow yourself to question the way Christmas is normally celebrated, set personal boundaries, say no, or ignore Christmas altogether. That is your ultimate self-care gift to yourself!

Often the lead-up to Christmas, or in fact any specific day or event, can feel worse than the day itself. It is very easy to get swept up into work Christmas parties, family gatherings, putting on a brave face, and then feeling isolated because nobody understands what you are truly going through or feeling.

Or you might find yourself alone and not wanting to stare at the empty chair all day. Either way, start planning ahead of time.

Having a plan or plans in place can help you feel more in control. Think about what it is you would really like to do. Maybe it’s spending Christmas Day volunteering at a soup kitchen, or handing out gifts at a local care home.

If it’s the company of others you would like, invite people to spend the day with you. Or if you want to sit in your pyjamas watching TV, that is totally fine, too.

If you are going to someone else’s house, tell them that you might need some time out if you feel overwhelmed, and not to worry if you disappear. They may have a room you can go and sit in for a little while. Having open conversations will only help you to feel like you are in control and then you can relax.

It is perfectly normal to feel angry, guilty, sad, and irritable when you are grieving, especially at this time of year when everything goes quiet and daily routines stop. But this can also be mixed with joy, happiness and laughter. They are all perfectly acceptable feelings to feel, so just go with them.

And finally, do reach out for support if you need to. Our website is full of grief professionals who are there and able to listen and help you. We also have lots of searchable articles, too.

We wish you a peaceful and restful Christmas time.