Let’s Talk Honestly About Grief

Grief isn’t a problem to solve. It’s an experience to live through

Grief isn’t neat or predictable. It doesn’t follow a script, and it rarely looks like the version we’re shown in films or textbooks. When loss enters your life, it doesn’t hand you a plan, it hands you raw emotion, confusion, and sometimes even silence.

Forget the “Right Way” to Grieve

There’s a widespread belief that grief follows a set pattern. Maybe you’ve heard of the so-called five stages, or felt the pressure to “stay strong,” “move on,” or “get back to normal” within a certain timeframe.

This isn’t just unhelpful, it can be harmful. These expectations teach people to doubt themselves, to hide their pain, and to compare their experiences to an imaginary standard.

In many cases, especially in British culture, people are encouraged to stay composed, keep going, and avoid “making a fuss.” But grief doesn’t follow social rules. It’s personal.

Grief Doesn’t Always Look the Way You Expect

Some people cry every day. Others don’t cry at all. Some take charge of the funeral, paperwork, and logistics with calm focus. Others feel paralysed by even the smallest task.

These responses don’t mean someone is coping better or worse, they're just different ways of dealing with the same reality.

Grief shows up as exhaustion, irritation, forgetfulness, or numbness. It can appear weeks or months later, long after the sympathy cards have stopped. There’s no formula.

Each person’s experience is shaped by the type of loss, their relationship with the person who died, their life circumstances, and even the expectations of those around them. It’s more like living through a changing landscape than following a straight road.

Why Permission Matters

So many people carry guilt about how they grieve. They worry they’re “doing it wrong” because their emotions don’t look like someone else’s, or because they feel too much, or not enough.

The turning point can come when someone is told, "You're allowed to grieve in your own way." That one sentence can bring enormous relief.

You don’t need to justify how you feel. You don’t need to explain why some days are fine and others aren’t. And you certainly don’t need to meet anyone’s timeline.

Supporting Others Without Fixing

When someone you care about is grieving, it’s natural to want to help. But support doesn’t always mean offering advice or trying to cheer them up.

What helps most is presence. That means listening, even when it’s uncomfortable. Let them speak without interrupting or steering the conversation away from pain. Sit with them in silence if needed. Don’t assume they want to talk or avoid the subject altogether.

Grief isn’t a problem to solve. It’s an experience to live through. Respecting that is one of the best forms of support you can offer.

A More Realistic, Supportive Culture

Imagine a community where no one’s grief is judged or measured. Where people can talk openly without being rushed or dismissed. Where emotional reactions, whether loud or quiet, are met with compassion, not correction.

Creating that kind of community starts with each of us. It means unlearning the idea that there's one “healthy” way to grieve. It means giving people space to show up however they are, without pressure to fit a mould.

Grief is personal. Let’s stop trying to standardise it and start creating room for it to be expressed honestly and openly.