Crying and Grief: Why Letting Tears Flow Matters

Crying is often a way of reaching out, even when words feel impossible

Crying is one of the most visible human responses to grief, yet it is still wrapped in discomfort, judgement and long-held beliefs about what is considered acceptable.

For many people, especially those who are grieving, tears can feel embarrassing, overwhelming or even something to apologise for. But recent research suggests that crying is far more common than we might think, and that it plays an important role in how we process loss.

New data from YouGov offers insight into how people in Britain feel about crying and how often it happens. The findings show a clear difference between men and women.

Around 71% of women say they have cried in the past month, compared with just 30% of men.

More than a quarter of men report that the last time they cried was over a year ago, while this is true for only a small proportion of women.

These differences don’t suggest that men feel less deeply; rather, they point to how differently emotion is expressed and permitted.

When people were asked about situations that might make them cry, women were far more likely than men to say they would cry in a wide range of upsetting circumstances. Men, by contrast, tended to name only a small number of situations, most notably the death of someone significant, or a pet, as times when crying would feel acceptable.

Social expectations

This reflects not just personal preference, but long-standing social expectations around masculinity, emotional control and strength.

The same data also highlights differences in how people respond to others who are crying.

Women are more likely to feel comfortable supporting someone who is tearful, while men are less confident in this role. That matters in grief, because crying is often a way of reaching out, even when words feel impossible. If tears are misunderstood or shut down, opportunities for connection and support can be missed.

Despite lingering discomfort, attitudes are slowly shifting. Most people in Britain now say it is acceptable to cry in public, and around half believe it can be acceptable to cry at work.

This suggests that while stigma remains, particularly for men, there is growing recognition that tears are a normal human response, not a failure of coping.

The Healing Power of Tears

In the context of grief, crying serves several important functions. From a physiological perspective, emotional tears activate the body’s calming systems, helping to regulate stress and bring the nervous system back towards balance after intense emotion.

Crying is also associated with the release of chemicals such as oxytocin and endorphins, which can create a sense of relief or comfort after emotional pain.

Beyond the physical effects, crying can be a powerful way of acknowledging loss. Grief is not just something we think about; it is something we feel in the body.

Crying and Grief - The Need for Support

Tears can allow those feelings to move, rather than becoming stuck or suppressed. For some people, crying provides a release. For others, it simply creates space to recognise what has been lost and how deeply it mattered.

Crying also plays a social role. Tears can signal vulnerability and invite care from others, strengthening bonds at a time when isolation is common. This is particularly important in grief, where people often feel unsure how to ask for help.

When tears are met with kindness rather than discomfort, they can open the door to connection and understanding.

The gender differences highlighted by YouGov remind us that not everyone is given the same permission to cry. Men who have learned to suppress tears may grieve in quieter or less visible ways, which can sometimes be mistaken for “coping better.”

In reality, unexpressed grief does not disappear; it often finds other outlets, such as irritability, withdrawal or physical symptoms.

Not everyone will cry openly or often when they’re grieving, and crying is not a sign of weakness, failure or lack of control. It is a natural response to loss, love and change. Making space for tears – our own and other people’s - can be a small but meaningful step towards more honest, compassionate support for those who are grieving.