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  • Writer's pictureGrief Specialists

Why am I so angry all the time?

Conflicting feelings can bubble up into anger

Feeling angry all the time can be really tough to deal with, especially when you're already dealing with a lot of sadness and despair.

It's like being caught in a whirlwind of emotions that you can't seem to control. Sometimes, anger pops up as a way to cope with the unfairness of losing someone or feeling helpless in the face of it.

Anger can come in the form of aggression, where you might shout or smash things, or physically do harm as an emotional response.

You might have passive anger, where you end up doing or agreeing to things begrudgingly for an ‘easy life.’ Anger can also be assertive, which is the more healthy kind of anger, where you are able to set boundaries and express your feelings in a non-confrontational way, for example, ‘I feel angry when…’.

When someone you care about dies, it can leave you feeling abandoned and empty, even if you’re not consciously aware of it, or you might feel cross at them for leaving you behind, or causing you pain.

Grief has a funny way of bringing up old stuff we thought we'd dealt with. You might find yourself wrestling with guilt, resentment, or bitterness towards the person who has died, or even yourself. And all these conflicting feelings can bubble up into anger.

When someone you’re close to dies, it changes everything, and it's normal to feel angry about how everything's turned upside down. It's like the world just isn't playing fair anymore, and that can really get under your skin.

Grief can make you feel like you've lost control of everything, leaving you feeling powerless. Anger can sometimes be a way to try and grab some of that control back, even if it's just a little bit.

Plus, different cultures have different ways of dealing with grief. In some cultures, it's more acceptable to show anger than it is to show sadness. Sometimes, people end up expressing their grief through anger because that's what's accepted.

Anger in grief is like a big tangled mess of feelings, all wrapped up together.

But by recognising and accepting those feelings, you can start to make sense of them and find your way through the grieving process with a bit more kindness and understanding, both for yourself and for others.


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