Grief, Childhood Abuse and Trauma
Do you believe it is possible to recover from Childhood Abuse and Trauma?
Maybe you are here, because you are a griever, which would mean that you wouldn’t necessarily expect to read about childhood abuse.
When I discovered the Grief Recovery Method, it was to help my friend and other people like her.
Her son Ed had died in 2012, age 30 and the intellectual comments she had to listen to were quite horrific.
My plan was to offer craft courses for people in her situation, where grieving parents could come together, take their mind off daily life, do something creative together, knowing, that since they all had experienced similar losses, no one would challenge them, why they hadn’t gotten over their loss yet, or other maybe well-meant, but unkind comments.
What I wasn’t prepared for was the fact that before I was trained to help others, I first had to go through the process myself.
To be honest, I thought that was a bit of a waste of my time and money. After all, I had no losses, so I thought.
The first person I became complete with was my grandfather. The details of my abuse are not important, just the fact that I developed complex PTSD and other mental health issues and a smell, or just a thought could catapult me right in front of his room, where I stood, after he was finished with me, whilst he went into the bathroom.
I retraumatised myself nearly every day and childhood abuse and grief was never an association I would have made.
But what about the loss of trust, the loss of your childhood innocence, the loss of control of your body, the loss of yourself when it happens?
There are over 40 losses we can encounter during our life; bereavement is only one of them.
I had tried different types of therapy, medication, ignoring my problems…
And two months after I did my completion it hit me. One day, I just realised that since I trained as a Grief Recovery Specialist and did the work for my own loss, I had not thought about my grandfather. Not once.
This was the moment I knew how powerful the Method was.
It would take me another few years to fully embrace this for my own work. The resistance to do the work is real and because of this, I only work with people who are willing to work with me for a minimum of six months.
Just teaching the Method is not enough for some people. They need coaching afterwards to be able to fully embrace Grief Recovery and make deep and long-lasting changes in their life.
I don’t make medical claims, but I am now free of depression and anxiety.
Every day is full of joy and happiness and if I feel emotional pain, I know what to do.
I still use the Method, because healing deeper and deeper wounds might be my job for the rest of my life.
There will always be people who hurt or annoy us and instead of packing my rucksack full of heavy feelings, I travel light.
Grief Recovery is not “fix my relationships” work. Yes, my relationship with my parents has improved, because I now longer am affected by their dysfunctional behaviour.
I feel compassion and understanding, where before there was burning anger and sometimes even hate.
But if you are the only one changing the steps in the dance, the other person or you will fall over.
However, there is one relationship that really improved. My relationship to myself.
We are always told to love ourselves more, but how do you do this?
By healing my wounds from the past, I not only developed compassion for my parents, but also for myself. I now love myself and I am grateful for every day I have.
What a gift is this, to be happy every day? My older brother, who hasn’t done the work, is still feeling anxious and so angry with my parents.
Getting older doesn't automatically mean we get wiser and happier. Time doesn’t heal. We live in trauma time, trapped with our memories and still believing the lies we were told.
When was the last time you felt really proud of yourself? You set healthy boundaries and allowed yourself to relax?
Or do you feel overwhelmed and guilty, angry and resentful?
Do you think you have to put everyone first and aren’t really allowed to look after yourself as well, because someone could accuse you of being selfish?
The Grief Recovery Method doesn’t only heal your hurt, but it also teaches you to speak the emotional truth. You learn why you do the things you do and how unknowingly you probably repeated all the unhelpful stuff you learned from your parents and other caregivers.
How lovely would it be, to put that heavy rucksack down and bit by bit take all the heavy stones out and lay them to rest.
Are you not tired of trying so hard and never really moving forward?
Has what you have tried so far not really worked and you just don’t know what to do next?
Maybe it’s time to try something different, something that is scientifically proven to make a difference to people’s lives.
Something that is available pretty quickly and that you don’t have to invest years in to learn.
I sat for years in therapy, complaining about my parents, uncovering more and more memories, never knowing what to do with them in the end.
The Grief Recovery Method can teach you what to do with all those undelivered communications of an emotional nature.
All those things you always wanted to say, but they were never heard.
Letting go of memories, pain and emotions that are so painful, they impact on our daily life.
Being free of the burden that was put on us, by other people.
They are not ours; would you not like to give them back where they belong?
You can leave them behind, while you move on with your life.
Lighter, happier and full of energy for life and new positive relationships.
Teresa Mack has over 30 years’ experience in mental health and self-development, with an aim to promote understanding and acceptance of trauma-based mental health issues and behavioural challenges in children and adults. She is passionate about showcasing long-lasting solutions to overcome depression, anxiety and other mental health conditions.
In addition, Teresa is a disability advocate, supporting chronically ill and disabled people, having to deal with this herself.