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  • Writer's pictureGrief Specialists

How Grief Can Feel Like Leading a Double Life

This internal journey through grief is often lonely


How Grief Can Feel Like Leading a Double Life

Grief can be described as living two lives simultaneously — one where everything seems fine on the surface, and another where the heart is consistently in pain. This double existence becomes a sad reality for those grappling with the profound loss of a significant person.


The Facade of Normality

In the first life, you might find yourself going through the motions, wearing a mask of normality to navigate the outside world. Friends, family, and colleagues may see a composed individual carrying out daily tasks with apparent ease.


Yet, beneath this front lies a heart weighed down by an invisible burden, aching for the presence of the one who is no longer there.


This outward composure is not a denial of grief but rather a coping mechanism. Society often expects a certain level of functionality, and you may find yourself conforming to these expectations to avoid scrutiny or further emotional strain.


In this version of your life, you learn to smile through the pain, to engage in conversations without revealing the depth of your inner turmoil.


The Silent Scream

The second life, the one where your heart screams silently in pain, is the struggle within. It's the realm of sleepless nights, unexpected waves of sorrow, and the ache that intensifies during quiet moments.


In this space, memories of your lost person play like a bittersweet symphony, echoing the joy of shared moments and the agony of their absence.


This internal journey through grief is often lonely, as the nature of loss is unique to each individual. The silent screams may manifest as unspoken words to the departed, unanswered questions, or the yearning for one last conversation.


Coping with this internal anguish requires patience, self-compassion, and an understanding that healing is not a tick-box exercise or straight forward process.


Embracing Both Realities

Acknowledging and embracing both lives is an integral part of the grieving process. It involves allowing yourself to experience the range of emotions that come with loss, without judgement.


It's essential to recognise that grief is not a journey with a clear endpoint; instead, it is a transformative process that becomes integrated into the fabric of your existence.


Addressing Unresolved Grief

Support from friends, family, and grief professionals can provide a vital lifeline during this dual existence. Having open and honest conversations with people you trust about your real feelings and being a bit vulnerable can help you feel less isolated, and ultimately help you start a healing process.


Our directory of Grief Specialists are available to provide you with the care, expertise and support. Pleae get in touch if there is anything we can help you with.

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